Inside the Shell . . .

It's almost 2am in the morning. My tears are still flowing freely down my cheeks. I don't deserve this; this heartbreak, the pain, the suffering. And it's just because of a mistake that I really regretted; I fell head over heels in love with someone who don't love me, fears commitment and thinks I'm fat and not beautiful enough to his "standard". Someone whom I have spent money, time and effort on. Whom I carelessly gave my undying and unconditional love. Whom I have sacrificed so much for. And for whom I rejected and hurt other men; men who are willing to love me for who I am. I'm stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. How do I leave him when I still feel for him? When he's the first thought that comes to my mind every morning and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep? He don't have to be so mean with his words. Can you believe it? He's treating me this way, and yet I still helped him in so many ways and want to be with him. Yet I would do anything to please him. God, help me please. Please answer my prayers. Please give me the strength, courage and patience that I need, in order to go through all these tests You have given me. Remember when I was seven years old and I prayed and asked 5 things from You ? Intelligence, beauty, wealth, good parents and a man who would love me very very much. Dear God, You sent me the wrong guy. ****** We have made up since :P *****