Ugly Duckling

i wonder if i can still hope to marry someone I really, really love.

He told me that I'm fat and need to lose alot of weight, ask me to go shopping and get new clothes for myself (with him) and grow up.. fast.

Blame it on the endless Chinese New Year feasting over the past week.

I have already put on an extra 5kg two months ago after i injured my ankle and spent time resting at home.

I put on an extra 2kg during the festive CNY week.

Now, I have to lose all these extra fats and start slimming down.

I cant run because my ankle still hurts.

All I can do is watch my food intake and go to the gym.

Sex doesn't count cos' a dick goes limp at the sight of my naked body.

I have taken enough slimming pills, slimming jamus (yuckks) and slimming milkshakes to intoxicate my liver and kidneys. I'm not surprised if I end up in the hospital with ailing kidneys by end of this year.

Now comes the toughest part.

Growing into a woman.

How does one change from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan in less than a year?

What makes a woman, a woman? Sigh.. "Baby, I see you as a girl growing into a woman. A beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, demure, wealthy, successful, compassionate Muslim woman. But you need to listen to me and lose all that fat first. You're fat you know that? If you want me to marry you, then you have to be sexy and gorgeous so I won't stray. You are very beautiful, you know that? You just have to work on your body. How am I suppose to groom you if you don't listen to me?" Arrrrggghhh...!!! Stress, stress.. I can't look as gorgeous as Kate Beckingsale, Catherine Zeta-Jones or Scarlett Johansson. But, accept me as I am please. I'll try my best to look good and all. But.. Liposuction anyone? No way! So, you won't marry me cos I'm fat? Ok. I have my own collection of gorgeous hunks you know... And yes,together, they give me so much pleasure in bed... :P Who needs marriage when you get attention from all these studs all year round? Wait till you see me in 3 months.. I would turn from this..

to this...

... in three months.

So, will you marry me then? Haha.. And maybe after our long, around-the-world honeymoon, we may even look like this :

Ain't that romantic?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Going Dutch

When the word "dutch" is being mentioned, we would either think the "dutch-lady" brand or paying for our share of the bill.

But some women, like me for instance, go out on dates fully expecting our dates would foot the bill and personally send us home.

I prefer not to carry too much cash around with me. So, i just carry a few loose change, tissue, my debit card, my Identification Card and my lipstick in my small handbag. So, robbers/snatch-thieves/pickpockets, please take note :

I DO NOT HAVE CASH IN MY HANDBAG. STAY AWAY FROM ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN I JUST GOT DUMPED ON MY DATE.

BEWARE OF THE BITCH IN ME.

I have dated men, who admitted to me, that they are broke and asked me to foot the bill instead.

I'm fine with paying for dinner or taxi fare or movie tickets, especially if I've been seeing the guy for quite some time and we took turns paying on our dates. For example, if he's paying for dinner, I pay for movie tickets, and if he's driving, we split up and share the petrol bill.

But if I've been taken for granted and was asked to foot the bill on every single date, I must say, that chimpanzee must be a total cheapskate.

You don't have to have a net worth of $500,000, drive a Lexus, owns a Condo, or be a plastic surgeon in order to date me.

I'm still the girl next-door, live a simple life and yes, I'm financially independent.

Just don't use me to your advantage and treat me like your Financer.

If you really have no money, don't ask me out.

Stay at home.

I would ask you out personally IF I am interested in you and I'd foot the bill and perhaps even buy you a car if you can satisfy me in bed.

So, boys.. Please be honest.

If you are really short on cash while we are out on a date, (and sincerely care for me) let's go Dutch, ok.